THE REGRET

 

THE REGRET

"I hope god never wrote us to be meet". The last word that threw out from his mouth always came across my mind every time. I always praying to God to give me the ability to turn back time again so that I can fix everything like the first time I met him. Maybe, this is the biggest event in my life that left the hardest impact every time I breathed that changed me into a new person.

It was the first day I stepped into primary school to begin a new journey in my life. It felt like a butterfly in my stomach during the first day because I'm not too good at talking with strangers. So, I just isolated myself in the corner side hall as my mother needed to leave me early because she needed to go to work. Suddenly, there was a medium-tall guy with a smiling face who pulled a chair and took a sit beside me before he gave a handshake. He said his name is Amir but he wants to be called Mir because sounds more familiar. From that moment we were closer and luckily, we were placed in the same class, in the same group, and at the same table. We spent one year of form one with many joyful memories that we keep in our minds.  He always be there with me every time I'm having a hard time in my study and always give his hand without any doubt or question. As we started to know each other deeper and started to know his family background. Little did I know, Amir came from an orphan family as his father died when he was 10 years old

However, not every joy story ended with a happy ending. The conflict started when we had a misunderstanding when Amir borrowed my favorite expensive shirt that was given by Mom during my birthday. He said he already told me before he used the shirt when I slept after taking a prayer but I didn't realize it because I was very sleepy at that time. He also told me that I had already permitted him to borrow the shoes but I can't even remember any dialog that we are talking about. I started to be like a bull in a china shop as I considered he wanted to steal my most meaningful properties that were given by my lovely person. I started to throw a curse word right into his face with a cursed hand signal. However, Amir still took a deep breath and was patient without any reply and just admitted his false. I continued to curse him without any interrogation about the misunderstanding that happened and without giving him any space to explain the misunderstanding.

The situation got worse when their temper started to lead me when I started to curse him because he was an orphan by saying "An orphan like you should die like your father".  At that time, Amir couldn't hold his anger anymore when his blood started to boil and his veins started to rise on every side of his forehead. Amir holds his big hand into a fist and takes a deep breath before throwing a punch right into my face with his full strength. My head started to dizzy and I couldn't even feel my leg as I lost all my consciousness because of that powerful hit. I felt challenged when my nose bleeding badly and my teeth fell so hurt that it was detached from the gums.

Hit must be returned by hit. With heavy breath, I gathered my left strength into a fist before letting go most memorable punch on Amir's rib. As a result, Amir lay down on the floor screaming in pain with his right hand holding his injury. Looking at the situation getting worse, I tried to calm down as Amir looked very suffering with that hit and tried to help him to get up. Suddenly he took my hand away and said: "Don't you dare touch me if you still love your face". He took off the shirt threw it on my face and said to me in his angry tone "You had crossed the line because of your dumb head never want to hear anyone's opinion, anyone's expression, and anyone's explanation. With your anger, the person on your side will never stay and will never stand with your behavior. "From today don't ever try to call me as your friend," said Amir meaningly while pointing a finger at me.

 

Looking at what I had done to Amir, I realize that I had crossed the line by saying something that I should not say. I said sorry to him but I knew it was useless as Amir swore he would never forgive me until the end of the world. Amir takes a step out quickly from our room with his handphone and wallet in his right hand. Loudly he said, "I hope god never wrote us to be meet". Cluelessly, he left me with full regret in my head without having any space to apologize.

From that day, I never saw Amir from every corner of my school or in the hostel. It was almost 2 months since I had not met Amir, and many questions started to pass over my mind where was Amir going? After doing research, I found out about his mom's phone number from the principal. Without thinking of any effect, I called his mom patiently while waiting for the answer. Suddenly, a soft weak voice came out and answered my call strangely. After 30 minutes of talking, with a tearful voice she said Amir already passed away last 2 weeks when he was involved in an accident with a truck. Kneelingly, the tears came down my cheeks when the news that I never imagined to hear came out from his mom. I regret what I have done to him and from that day I never forgive myself as I can't ever get a chance to apologize to him.

Every single day I always blamed myself because I was an outrageous and grumpy person without thinking rationally about the side effects of the action taken by me. The event had a big impact on my life because changed me into a person who more care about others' feelings before throwing out a speech and always puts me in other shoes to always understand their heart. I always promised myself never to stop doing good stuff as an atonement for the sin that I did to Amir. That moment changed me into a better person who knows how to respect others even though I already have lost my lovely friend forever and never will find his replacement. I’m grateful that god had written me to face this moment because gave me very meaningful lessons that I will never find in any other future time.